This happened when we celebrated my son’s 5th b-day in October 2012. I’m in the process of deleting an older blog and discovered this old piece of anger and I remembered how much my husband’s family angers me. This post highlighted a few of the reasons why. I’ve obviously altered/edited this post.
I was prepped for my father-in-law to come but I guess our political differences kept him away:) No worries, yah? I wasn’t prepped for what did happen:
My mother-in-law and her ex-husbands widow (my step-mother-in-law?) came to eat tacos and cake and give gifts to Skas for his fifth birthday. We were celebrating it early because his birthday is on Halloween and my MIL spends that day at church and then that evening helping kids cross the street. I have to say before I continue, that I am not like most people nor have I ever been. I don’t like to censor myself, I don’t like to alter myself to fit the needs or preferences of others but…*sigh* these are my in-laws. I did good until the bleed when crap hit the fan and slung everyone in the face, me the most targeted of them all. I’ve been able to slowly work my way back down to keeping somewhat civil conversations, avoiding certain topics, but keeping my mouth quiet when others can’t show me that same respect? No. I have this, know, issue with shutting the f#ck up! On more than one occasion I have found myself stuttering in an argument because I can’t keep my mouth shut and when I get upset or flustered, my stroke face makes an ugly appearance and my mouth refuses to work properly.
The last time I saw my FIL, we got into it (politics). I was so mad I had a huge migraine the rest of the day. We got into it on Facebook days later, I told him to never speak of politics with me again, our views are too opposing. He’s a stubborn northerner (from Illinois) and I’m just hardheaded for no reason other than…I am my father’s daughter [LOL].
So..I’m not sure what happened, how I managed to offend everyone without trying. My MIL, she’s the kind of southerner where she knows her mind and if you differ, well, she just prefers not to deal with you. But, she knows I have no qualms with telling her to mind her business and keep [her] Bible away from my kids so, together, we meet in the middle like normal adults avoiding a catastrophe. We talk about the kids, maybe stuff on the news, neighbors, whatever “normal” people talk about.
My…step-MIL[?], we never had any problems except that I absolutely refuse to leave my kids with her (she stopped asking years ago, thank God). She’s nice and all but she gives me one of those creepy feelings…like something is missing with her, so I trust my initial instincts even though she’s proven to be super nice (maybe too nice?).
So…this day the two old women blew my mind! I spent the whole visit wanting to yell and scream at them…but I bit my tongue. First, let me say my step-MIL[?] said she would come to my baby’s first b-day but ditched last-minute because of her BOYFRIEND’s daughter’s b-day; she was going skydiving, it was her 25th b-day. So, I wanted to make stupid childish remarks about that the whole time. I mean, you want MY kids to call YOU grandma when you barely ever see them AND you miss a FIRST BIRTHDAY for someone else’s ADULT kid??? Oh, I had a lot to say, but I somehow kept my mouth shut.
Let me add, I didn’t have a scowl on my face all day, I just wasn’t smiling pretty for them.
Then, I kept trying to be adult and bring up conversations so we wouldn’t be standing there with dumb derp faces and I got IGNORED!!!!! Repeatedly, I was dismissed! But, keeping my head up, I kept trying. They’d say something to each other, I’d, you know, put in my two cents – respectfully. And again, I’d get pushed aside! I was so f#cking angry! But still…deep breath, Kt, hold your cool, keep the heat inside you!
The tacos, I fricken love tacos! So, when I saw there was leftovers, I got pumped (I’m trying to gain weight, by the way). But I don’t move fast enough. The widow took the last THREE tacos!!!!! WTF?! Ok, cool, I’ll eat more cake later. But what did she do??? She ate 1.5 of those tacos and tossed the third away!!! WTF?! I wanted that taco!!!
I almost flipped a lid later when I saw the widow feeding my baby cake. I don’t care, but she gave him her entire ADULT sized piece! Not only that, she was dropping crumbs and frosting all over the floor! And I’m just sitting there fuming, so f#cking pissed off! I washed that damn floor MYSELF! Do you know how much frustration it causes me to mop a floor? A living room tiled floor…white tile????? Or how much hip pain I was suffering after that?! All to avoid stupid comments and those little *look at this floor* head shakes. And just for her to drop cake all over it and smudge it in with her orthopedic shoes!? Finally, instead of yelling at her, I turn to my husband who’s blissfully eating his cake, totally blind to the steam coming out my ears, and I bark, “Can you PLEASE CLEAN UP THOSE CRUMBS?!!”
Ugh, that’s not the end…no, it can’t just end there. It can’t just be tacos and cake crumbs. My MIL starts talking about shit that makes me want to say, “if your candidate gets in office…” you know how that goes! So, again, I found myself pissed off and quiet. Thinking it was best to sit in my seat with a scowl on my face and facts and opinions in my head instead of arguing with (what I consider to be) her ignorance.
Gift time, Ok, cool, let’s get this done and over with so they can leave. *smile pretty Kt, you’re almost done* Because the widow missed Boonshka’s first birthday in August, she brought his gifts to Skas’ little gathering. And that pissed me off too! I’m a younger sibling and I have always felt betrayed when on my birthday people would bring gifts for my sister as well. I would like to avoid this happening with my kids if possible.
One gift was a huge pencil that she held right in front of his face explaining to him why he can’t have it. Who the f#ck does that??? *growl* I kept my mouth shut. Then she busts out this ball, cool, Boonshka loves sporty toys. She puts it on the floor, rolls it, my older son rolls it back. She tells Boonshka to get it, he starts struggling for freedom to get the ball and push it to Skas but will she let him go? No. Skas gets the stupid ball, rolls it to the baby. He’s fighting to get it, she’s holding him back WHILE TELLING HIM, “Go get the ball, go get the ball, it’s OK, get the ball.” Finally, I say, “You can put him on the floor, he can crawl you know.”
Instead, she PUTS HIM ON HER LAP! WTF lady?!!! Even my husbands mom was trying to hint, “Let him crawl for the ball. Boonshka, would you like to get the ball?” It seriously took everything I had not to yell at the dumb f#cking b#tch to drop the kid and let him play!!!
I was so mad. As soon as they left, I look at my husband and start off with the taco incident. His response? “Is that what that glare you gave me was about? I thought I was fixing to get it.” No, I told him it wasn’t him because it really wasn’t even though I wished he hadn’t been just sitting there with that dumb *I have no idea what’s going on* look on his face. So I told him about them ignoring me, dismissing me when I tried to talk to them. you know, he’s he starts hugging me because I was so pissed that I was near tears. I felt so disrespected in my own house. And my hard work to keep quiet was…..it was pathetic. He told me to speak up next time, he would back me, but I can’t do that, I just can’t.
I still have this problem with my in-laws today. I don’t speak to them anymore. I prefer to avoid them. It’s just better. I lost my brain-mouth filter somewhere on the hallway floor while I struggled to figure out what the hell was happening to me, why was my body so heavy? I have learned now, 2 years since my stroke, that I can keep my mouth shut as long as I am in company of people who can do the same. Once I am provoked I lose control of my face and the words that come out of it. Because of this, I burrow further into my hole because I’m tired of being angry all the time and i feel better doing the avoiding rather than being avoided…makes a difference somehow.