Another dream bites the dust

When a person loses half of themself, there are so many things that they have to come to terms with and learn to accept.  There are so many things I will likely never accept but I keep trying anyway.  As a person with physical disabilities, I’ve learned that it’s not always easy to simply overlook things and it’s equally as difficult to block out the new truths around me.

But one thing that cannot escape me is this little kid that resides somewhere deep inside.  I think we all have that kid deep in there but some of us are just better at quieting that kid.  Maybe shutting her up with some teasing taste of nostalgia you may indulge in once a month or – you poor soul – less.  Like maybe there is a cartoon that still plays on some random channel like the Boom network or maybe there is a candy that you don’t find too often but when you see that box of Lemon heads you can’t help but grab it.

For me it’s my head.  I have this wild imagination.  I have always had it and I think that is why I am somewhat of an introvert.  I love my imagination even though it’s been known to creep me out on occasion.  Like those back steps in the Lantana house we lived in from when I was 15-18.  The cement steps were sinking faster than the rest of the house.  There was an open gap between the floor of the house and that top step.  Every time I’d go in through that door I’d have to jump it because I’d always picture this gooey green hand grabbing my ankle, pulling me down and forcing my nose to slam against the floor before pulling me in under the house, leaving a long and dark streak of blood trailing along behind us.

This same imagination took its turn last night while watching Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.  I discovered while watching the set of siblings sling black blood all over the place like HazMat teams existed back then:

I will NEVER have the chance to be a witch hunter!!!!

Life is so unfair!  It was never my dream to be a witch hunter.  It’s just a harsh thing to hit you when watching a, what is it? a fantasy? Action/thriller? Adventure?  I love these movies because the kid in me will take on the role I admire most even if it’s a guy’s role.  It’d be awesome to be Batman.  I’d rather be Batman than Cat Woman any day.  But I am an adult and in order for me to truly fantasize about something I make it as real as I can, for some reason.  Sorry, kids.  Dreaming doesn’t just stay a dream when you’re an adult.  You have this tendency to downplay the roles or the fantasy.  Maybe that’s why adults stop trying to dream?

At least Batman is rich enough to develop some sort of apparatus or gear to help a cripple like myself to continue being a super hero.  But a witch hunter?  Nope.  No such thing.  I can’t chase any witches down.  I can’t be all athletic and agile jumping through dense forests and from burning buildings.  Best I could do is hope a witch walks close enough to me for me to set her aflame with my torch.  And she better blaze up quick because it’s not like I can run away.  So there’s goes that dream!  I can never ever be a damn witch hunter.  Thanks bum leg and crazy arm…



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