I left the house today…

It was the first time in exactly a month since I last left the house.  You’d think I’d blog more.

Anyway, I left the house and I didn’t threaten anyone with my cane!  I didn’t die, no one tried to knock me over and I had no panic attacks.  I managed to hold myself together for once.  If I didn’t need that pap smear or I didn’t nearly tear my bra to shreds because of that damn wire poking me in the chest when I got dressed this morning, causing me to stop at the store after my doc visit for some quick and cheap replacements, it might have been another month before I left the house again.

Unfortunately, this is not the longest I’ve gone without leaving the house.

But I don't wanna go outside!!!
But I don’t wanna go outside!!!

And then I napped when I got home.  Any public outing for me is literally exhausting.  The fear, the anxiety, the worry, the constant monitoring of my surroundings and the alerts in my head reminding me to:

  • keep my back straight
  • bend the knee….bend the knee
  • watch for objects in my path
  • keep hair out of face
  • is my shirt rolled up on the left?
  • check your underwear, Kt, make sure it’s not bunched out of your pants!
  • watch where your cane lands, Kt!
  • DON’T LOOK AT THAT MIRROR!!

I lost another 2 pounds this month.  That brings me down to 121…I’m very disappointed in myself for losing more weight.

My foot kept popping out of the foot hold thingy, almost hitting the Doc in the faceat least twice.  Ninja kick! Hiiii-ya!

He caressed the inside of my thigh after removing that really huge swab from my vagina..that was really awkward.  **Note to self: ask Kasper if he saw that** He could have at least done it to the leg I can’t feel but no, he had to touch the one I can feel!

He (Doc) said the lump in my left breast is probably just tissue, fibrotic tissue.  Poor Kasper will have to give me boob feels once a month…aw….

It’s been an exciting day, but more good news! I didn’t get motion sickness in the car.  I wonder if that means I’m getting over some of these residual things from the stroke.  Good Lord I hope so!  I feel like a damn hypochondriac, always with the things of sickness (LOL).  One day, Kt, one day…

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