Wow

Ok, so I don’t know if I have regular readers or what but remember I posted about using a machine at home to help with balance and exercise?  Well, that night after using it I had a mother flipping seizure!  I was laying in bed with Kasper and we were watching the latest episode of Revolution; which, by the way, I love that show.  We had just smoked a joint and were getting ready to smoke a follow-up bowl.  I leaned over to get my phone so I could check-in and the next thing I knew I felt like I was in a dream!  All I saw was white waves coming at my face in 3-D and thinking something is wrong! followed by “Weird, I’m dreaming I’m having a seizure.”
When I  “came to” Kasper was over my face saying my name over and over and I was just like, “What, dude, what is your deal?” And he’s telling me I wigged out and was screaming about my arm and paramedics were on their way and I was just baffled by all the info.  The paramedics? What kind of prank is this?  Why was he repeating the things I was dreaming about?  Oh, Kt crazy-logic tells me, “I must have been yelling out what I was dreaming while I was dreaming.”  I did not put it together that it was not a dream at all but something that actually happened until the next morning when I was telling my mom via e-mail that it was no big deal.  I even joked with Kasper, started smiling and laughing at this “joke” he was playing on me and he just looked confused but I was too confused to recognize his confusion…talk about confusing.
When the paramedics suddenly appear in my bedroom I’m still kind of tripping, “this cannot be real.”  I don’t have seizures; not the big ones, anyway.  Last I knew the one grand mal I had on record back in September 2011 was a fluke due to recovery from having a major stroke and within six months of having it having a major brain surgery and then a baby.  My hormones were trying to return to some sort of “normalcy” from the pregnancy and it made my healing brain short-out for a few minutes.  Since then I have only been told I show signs of a person who has petit mal  or absence seizures; basically, I zone out randomly and can’t remember that brief period of time. When the paramedics ask me how I feel, what happened, blah-blah, I just answer them with Kasper filling in all the blanks as we go along because I simply can’t understand what the flippity f_ck just happened.
It takes the paramedics roughly twenty minutes to assess that I am fine and suggest I get an earlier appointment with my doctor for a follow-up to see if I need to up my meds.  After they leave, Kasper and I try our best to settle back down.  We end up at the E.R because the pressure in my head made me feel disconnected. Istarted to panic and wonder if something (like a minor bleed) had caused the seizure.  A CT scan resulted in a nurse telling me it looked like a “post-op change” and that’s all I remember except that I recall thinking “that doesn’t make sense what you just said.”  But I never asked because I’m not responsible like that. I just wanted the dope so I could get rid of the pressure in my head.  As long as there was no sign of a bleed, big or small, I was happy.

  Today I had my follow-up but my usual doctor was not available so I saw this other guy who was cute in a young, kind of nerdy way.  I liked him instantly.  He didn’t pretend to know what I was saying, he actually knew.  He knew my neurologist had removed himself from the clinic but he knew I would be able to see him now that my insurance changed so he went ahead and referred me to him.  He also set me an appointment this Saturday for an MRI with contrast to get a better idea of what is going on in my head.  He even requested to target the known area of the former location of the AVM and I’m psyched.  I’ve been asking for two years for this scan!  I may finally know the success level of my craniotomy!  What I liked the most about this doctor, too was how informed he was on seizures as well as how to properly use marijuana for treatment.  He said smoking pot may actually increase my risk of seizure (yes, I asked because I heard cannibas may possibly lessen the risks of seizures) because the act of inhaling lowers oxygen in the blood and that can trigger a seizure.  He actually suggested I try eating it or using a vaporizer.  I knew right then this is a doctor I can hang with.  I don’t want a doctor with a prescription pad, I want a doctor with an encyclopedia.  I need a guy who knows not everything is solved with pharmaceuticals.  I need a guy who may not always recommend the alternative but recognizes that they exist and are not all fantasy and pipe dreams to cure the ill with herbs and stones.  I’m disappointed I had the seizure in the first place but I am hopeful at the resulting changes it brought.

Kasper and I are still desperately trying not to connect the seizure with my  introduction to the machine or the struggles I had in trying to figure out movement and direction of my body parts.  That would be a sad link, indeed.

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