That is NOT What Roses smell like

   I didn’t exactly get to finish my last post.  My step mother, who’s quite crazy, “popped in” without much warning so I had to cut it short.  It’s okay though, I really didn’t have much else to add.  I’ve noticed since my last post that I’ve gained a bit of confidence when handling my kids.  I’m very happy I faced the challenge, followed through (sober) and didn’t have any unnatural freak-outs.  It does suck that I can’t smoke when I’m alone with them but I do it by choice.  I don’t want anything to happen when I’m foggy-headed and considering I had been smoking shortly before every seizure I’ve had I just don’t want to take that risk. Skas has been told what to do if he’s with me alone and I have a seizure but I don’t want to increase the chances of putting him through that.
I’m alone with them now and I have a terrible cold, cough and I’m also going through an outbreak and it’s pretty bad.  I am not sure what brought all of this on at once.  I started with a sore throat on Thursday night but kept ignoring it (sometimes it actually works to pretend there’s nothing “there”).  The same day I noticed some discomfort in my normal outbreak “zones.”  I’m not sure how it is for others with genital herpes but my outbreaks always seem to happen in the same spots.  At least I know where to keep a spotlight on at all times so I can feel the outbreak coming long before it actually starts.  Sometimes some extra sleep, reducing stress and drinking more water helps keep it away but not this time.  On Friday I got the flu shot which I posted on Facebook about and some of my friends hit me with mercury warnings.  Look, man, I don’t care! I’ve received the flu shot and never had any problems; I think some of these people are just obscene with their concerns about “what’s in it?” I’m not saying don’t question it but jeez, calm down.  Anyway, by Friday night I had a full-blown outbreak and my sore throat was no longer avoidable.  I’ve also been fighting the chills but it is cold out so it could easily be that I’m simply cold.
I told my doctor about my panic attacks that keep waking me up at night.  I thought they got better when I quit smoking pot but no, that was only temporary and they started again and they are worse.  So I did the obvious after Kasper started his job and I started smoking again.  The panic attacks have not changed.  I don’t know what to do since I don’t want any sleep meds or anything like that.  My doctor looked confused (this is the first time I have seen this doc, my last one changed cities).  I told him I tried to explain them to my neuro but he blew me off with a prescription.  Then I explained that he stopped accepting my insurance so I haven’t even reported my last seizure to him “Can you mark it in my records and send it to him?”  The doc left the room and came back to tell me my neuro had retired like a month ago! I didn’t even get a letter or anything!  I knew that neuro was a jackass! Hopefully this doc will refer me to a better neuro.  Maybe the new one will actually listen to the things I say.
Speaking of neurology.  A few things have changed about me since my stroke that I don’t think I have really blogged about.  My sinuses and sense of smell is incredibly sensitive.  My headaches and migraines all start in my nose.  I can smell things from yards and yards away.  I can smell your breath when your mouth is closed, I can smell your fart before it leaves your body and I can smell your cologne before you even walk through the door.  What I also can smell is what I call “phantom smells.”  My neuro before last said this is olfactory hallucinations after I told her I smell garbage even when there is no garbage near me.  She gave me this medicine that made the back of my tongue break out in open sores and it also made me fall asleep without control.  Obviously I stopped taking it.  I was odor-free for a few weeks and then all of a sudden it was back but this time it was different.  Any time I would smell garbage, the tip of my nose would tingle or feel numb.
Then one day I sneezed. It was the worst!  I smelled straight up, without a doubt, poop.  Not only did I smell feces, but I swore it was dog poop.  I even went through every shoe in this house to find the poop carrying culprit.  Imagine my surprise when all shoes turned up poop-free.  I checked JJ’s diaper like 80 times even though I know the smell of that kids shits by heart (it’s a mother thing I think).  There was no poop anywhere.  It went away after an hour or two and I was fine.  A few weeks go by and I sneeze again and wow, wouldn’t you know it?! More damn poop! In my nose! Poop! gross-things-people-do-6It’s disgusting and it’s just horribly unavoidable.  All I can do is sit and wait it out; hope it goes away quickly and doesn’t linger.  I’ve Googled it and I don’t get much.  Apparently there’s a thing called tonsil stones but it’s not that because there is nothing protruding from my tonsils.  I found a forum where a guy reported the same problems but all the answers were clearly from trolls that were making fun of the poor guy.  One commenter even suggested this meant he was a democrat, one asked about his relationship with Jesus.  Obviously, I didn’t find my answer there.  Other sites suggest an infection of the sinuses or throat or say this is a sign of sinus drainage.  This is none of those things because the accompanying symptoms don’t line up with those, at least not with any sort of consistency.  Most other sites were about sneezes actually smelling (like to those around the sneezer), bad breath, and cat sneezes (?, I have no idea what cat sneezes have to do with my sneezes smelling like crap).
I’m just going to say this is another thing related to hallucinations caused by partial seizures in my temporal lobelobes2.  All the sites I find about other symptoms like my migraines, panic attacks, wild emotions and so much more are all related to either stroke or something disrupted in the temporal lobe. It seems like my stroke messed up more than just the use and sensations of my left body.  The more I Google, the more I realize that not everything I experience is psychosomatic but I also realize that Google can be just as hazardous as it can be helpful when you’re talking about research for self-diagnosing purposes.  I know my AVM was located between the “flaps” of my right frontal and parietal  lobes (frontoparietal).  I also know the AVM itself ran \deep and that the rupture forced blood to touch, damage and possible destroy nerves in the frontoparietal lobes and down into my temporal lobe where it puddled and affected the basal ganglia .  Sometimes I Google things (like poop scented sneezes) knowing they are most likely stroke related and sometimes I Google things out of curiosity (like why my cycles are whacky now).  I discover that my stroke may have damaged my hypothalamus and/or pituitary gland but I’m simply not smart enough to understand all the brain maps even when they are pictures or when I compare the maps to the info provided in my medical records from the stroke.  No neurologist can explain this stuff to me either because let’s be honest, insurance only covers the basics of an appointment, not the time it takes to actually explain anything.  One day I’ll get there, I’ll understand the words I read and I’ll find a doctor not only educated but willing to share their knowledge with me.  I just have to continue to be patient while doing my own searches for answers.  One day it will all make sense.

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