Okay, I wasn’t planning on doing this but I’m in a bit of a blogging predicament. I have two blogs: This one for posts solely related to my AVM, stroke and disabilities and another for everything else. I don’t want someone to come to HSoL looking for info on AVM/stroke (etc.) and find a feminist rant or cheesy poem. My other blog is in this 30 day blogging challenge which I already failed because I don’t have time to blog on most weekends but I would really like to achieve my goal of blogging every weekday this month. Today Kasper is off from work, Skas had a dentist appointment at 9:30, I needed to go grocery shopping and pick up a few items from other stores. Our afternoon was pretty full and now I am only able to blog because Kasper agreed to take the kids to Wal-Mart to trade in a game Skas got for his birthday and doesn’t like. I only have time for one post so I’m killing two birds with one stone by making a post for HSoL my NaBloPoMo post as well. I apologize for the confusion :)
I don’t like to advocate for medicinal marijuana. I think it’s very helpful to a lot of patients, myself included but being a long-term smoker, I have seen people smoke pot daily for decades, still get diagnosed with cancer, and still live a miserable few years before they pass. I’m not trying to debunk science (if it’s factual) but I refuse to say it “cures” cancer or any other nonsense people are saying just to legalize it recreationally (I agree with legalization BTW). Sometimes though, I forget just how helpful it really is.
My day was pretty full today. It was so full that I barely had time to brush my hair before I limp-rushed out of the house. I was literally one foot out the door when I realized I had my hair up in a pin from my shower (non-wash day). Luckily, miraculously, I had a librarian-loosening-her-bun moment when I removed the clip; my hair came flowing over my shoulders with healthy, thick spirals at the ends
As I got in the car, I realized I was too rushed to take my medicine. I had to take it in the car with my coffee and that’s terrible because it makes the pills skid and stick throughout your entire mouth and throat.
Making it on time (close enough) to the appointment didn’t end the rush. We had other stops to make before JJ got out of school such as going to one store we had visited with him days before where I had trouble pulling him away from this cheap yellow toy big rig. Cheap or not, he’s getting it for Christmas. I wanted to get grocery shopping done because it sucks doing it with one kid whining along behind you; I didn’t want to add another which makes it two whiny and fighting kids dragging their feet.
I wanted to rush through the store, hoping to make it home in time to drop it all off and go to other stores with a smoke break between stops but I couldn’t rush. My left body had given me trouble earlier this morning. It was really heavy and slow-moving; I figured it was the chill in the air so I wore long sleeves and a coat (Texas). At the dentist’s office it was warm enough for me to remove my coat and be comfortable but my left body was continuing its resistance to my demands. I was too slow in the grocer’s so we only had time to drop off the food, put away the cold stuff and leave again. We left our last stop just in time to get JJ 10 minutes before the too-late-to-leave-without-a-scolding time.
I had a lot of extra tone today and it really hurt my mood and confidence. My left body fought me with every step. It was like my hip and knee were out of sync with each other. I’m used to my left body moving stiffly on days I have extra tone while my right body moves in coordination with its commander but that’s not what happened today. I can usually tell if extra tone is caused by anxiety when my left arm sticks out farther than its normal range; I can tell if it’s caused by the cold when my knee locks up entirely and my left arm curls into my side more; I can tell it’s exhaustion when my [right] lower back and left hip start hollering at me to take a seat. None of this was happening. My left arm was out more than usual but not in any way that I’ve seen before. There was no fist at the end (like when I’m anxious) but it was not cooperating; like, at all. And, I kept losing my balance in places I am usually confident like the grocery store or my patio. It was annoying.
It’s sad but for the first time in a few months I went most of my day without smoking. I came home still questioning what was going on with my left body. I went into my room and I smoked two bowls then got up and walked with far less of a limp than I hobbled in with. I made it to the living room before I noticed my arm was completely relaxed at my side.
I could say it was the cold but today was the warmest it’s been all week. I could say it was taking the medicine later than usual but I’ve skipped days before and been less affected. I could come up with other things to blame the extra tone on but, knowing my schedule, habits, and how my left body typically works in certain situations, I can say without a doubt that I had the extra tone because I didn’t smoke before I ran my errands. For the record, I only have regular schwag, my budget does not allow for more than basic. It might do well to mention that shatter and ‘dro increases my tone. The more potent the product, the more anxious I get.