Can’t Handle the G

     My stroke led to me being “partially” paralyzed on the left side of my body– to keep it simple.  So, I have little feeling on that side; most touch is a dull thud or a weird, almost burning, sensation if I feel anything at all.  So…

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It’s had an effect on my sex life

     I’m a totally normal person.  Or, I was….I thought I was?  Now that I’m in my thirties, been with the same guy for 10 years, two kids have slid through my vagina, and have adult-ed for some time now, I’m learning that maybe I wasn’t so normal…or was I?

     It’s hard to tell because every woman is different; when you read articles, listen to people on talk shows or whatever, it’s hard to know where on the scale of normalcy your little slider is.  I was molested and raped from ages 11-14 by my stepdad, Krank Ficken.  It was nonviolent but it was awful and it left a dark cloud around me.  Sex was not something I felt was for me.  I’ve always enjoyed it, I’ve had many partners, but there was always a part of me locked off from it.  It’s difficult to explain when it’s something I’m still trying to figure out and get over.

     I always thought the so-called “G-spot” was a complete lie.  I never felt anything down there, in there, or around there that made me melt into my curled toes the instant it was tickled.  I thought I was abnormal simply because this “myth” existed and older women swore it’s a thing that is true.  But is it?

     g-spot_o_357959

     Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of orgasms.   I had my stroke during an orgasm.  I think I know my body pretty well but well enough to find my G-spot?  Don’t think I haven’t gone hunting, I have, and so have others.  It was deemed elusive or just a fake concept designed by “them” to make me feel so terrible about myself that I had to sleep with every guy nice to me to prove I had a true sexual appetite.   It’s bullshit, the way we are made to feel shameful.  Like not finding your g-spot is a negative because all porn stars seem to have one very easy to locate.  But somewhere between 70-80% of women never truly experience vaginal orgasm so let’s be honest and real, there’s only 20-30% of women able to orgasm vaginally?

Is this a big deal?

     This is all personal opinion and personal account so IMHO, it’s not a big deal.  I honestly don’t think guys believe they could find the G-spot without Indiana Jones’ fedora and whip so I don’t think they are disappointed when they stick it in and you don’t instantly orgasm.  But that’s alright because sex isn’t just about your partner anyway.  We want them satisfied but sex is also to satisfy yourself.  I lived in a world where g-spots are myth and legend. I took matters into my own hands when sex by choice felt tragically disappointing.  I wanted to orgasm, I knew how to make myself orgasm but none of my partners apparently knew how to help.  Roughly 30% of women never reach orgasm during sex even with clitoral stimulation.  I take this to mean that the average woman orgasms during sex by double clicking their own mouse.

     I never had a guy stop me to prove their masculinity by pounding me until I melted into a puddle of satisfied woman.  In fact, every partner I’ve ever had seemed to genuinely enjoy having me pleasure myself during sex with them.  It probably takes the pressure off for all I know.

I think I found my G-spot

     An unfortunate fact is that no one actually knows if the G-spot is a place, an item (like a collection of nerves), or if it exists at all.  What if it’s a state of mind?  What if it’s psychosomatic?  What if only some women have it?  What if it’s a collection of all or some of these theories?  Will we ever know?  I have no idea but love me tender because there’s a spot inside of me that when touched I completely lose my mind.

     I haven’t looked up what the average woman experiences when they “find” their g-spots.  I’m afraid I’ll end up stuck in a loop of endless squirting videos somehow. I’m not sure if what I feel is actually my g-spot or just a really agonizingly, pleasurable area.  Whatever it is, it wasn’t there pre-stroke.  I have a couple theories as to why:

  • Age: they say women have stronger orgasms later in life but am I that far in life already??
  • I had a couple mental breaks after the stroke:  Apparently I buried more than a few memories of Krank Ficken and found them after the stroke.  Kasper let me dump it all on him along with heavy tears and deep sobs.  Maybe that helped me “unlock” an important part of myself
  • The stroke itself: I lost sensations, I gained sensations, and some sensations are so twisted up they feel good in a painful way

    I just can’t handle it

    In 10 years we’ve had very memorable, pleasurable experiences but now, 5.5 years post-stroke, there’s a new place inside me towards the front, kind of up behind my clitoris that I literally cannot handle when disturbed.  I don’t think I can orgasm vaginally because the intensity is so…intense that I feel like I’m going to wiggle right out of my body and end up on the verge of a panic attack.  Is this the g-spot? And would I have found it without my stroke and resulting disabilities?  That’s a really terrible thought.  But if it’s true what does it mean? What does it mean for other women? And, what does it prove?

     This location is described in many articles as the place where all the action happens when it comes to the so-called g-spot.  If this is it, why can’t I handle it like other women? Sometimes he just brushes against it and I’m breathless and it’s like my head is on a plane different from the rest of my body yet there’s still a cozy place in the center where my brain and body are fighting against the racing beat of my heart.  It’s all very overwhelming and I seriously wish I could harness this power that is possibly my g-spot so I could ride that bastard into a blazing sunset of pleasure and gratification.

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