Freshly Poked: A Sequel

Okay, it’s more of a continuation
The previous post is here.

     I had the biopsy on my left breast today.  I had so much anxiety going into this that I tried my best not to even talk about it.  I did no research on what to expect because it increased my anxiety to think of what it might “feel” like to someone like myself.  If I saw pictures of the needles, the thing they use to do the biopsy, or any other sharp objects going in or near my tit…I might have sweated my glands into uselessness by now.

I’m always the “special case”

     Before the biopsy, they go over the procedure with you, give you an opportunity to ask questions and check to make sure the lump is still visible.  After the tech found the lump, she brought in the doctor and, as it turns out, there’s two lumps.  I thought I felt two the other night when I was feeling for changes.  I feel like this is evidence it’s debris like they originally suggested but who am I to say?

     I took this time to ask about the clip since it was all too much to process the first time.  It’s just a sliver of titanium no bigger than a grain of rice that is basically used to mark the location of the lump for future mammos.  If the lump is benign, “they” will know this thing was examined and deemed non-threatening. If it needs to be removed, the clip comes out with the lump.  Why couldn’t they just say that before?

     They explain the lidocaine.  It’s a pinch followed by a slight burn, then a “deeper” burn before it’s numb.  I’m their first patient with hemiplegia.  No one knows how much I will or won’t feel, or if it’s going to be more intense than average.  At least they prep me on their ignorance.  I’m actually getting used to that with doctors and co.  Every procedure, shot, test, shock, touch…everything done to my left body is an experiment for everyone in the room to study while I’m a rat hoping it goes well.

     She explains the biopsy and I’m hopeful it’s no big deal like she says it usually is for most people until she tells me the “except” part.  Of course, I’m an exception.  Whatever I go through, I’m the exception.  Even before the stroke.  Even the stroke itself! No only do I have two lumps close to the nipple, one is directly underneath it.  It’s one of the more difficult areas to biopsy according to them.  That’s more unknowns to factor in.

Not a cyst

     As she starts telling me what to expect, I ask about the possibility it’s a cyst.  Now, no one told me thus far that it wasn’t a cyst so I’ve been hopeful it was despite the doubting logic in the back of my mind.  How do you biopsy a cyst?  Wouldn’t that make it pop?  Wouldn’t it be risky?  Have I ever heard of anyone getting a cyst biopsied before?  Wouldn’t it have grown by now?  Or shrunk?  Would a cyst break into two hard pieces or down into two soft pieces?   These are things I would have Googled if I wasn’t such a chickenshit.  I’m not sure what I was more afraid of: answers I didn’t want, or inducing more anxiety and paranoia.

     Either way, they don’t biopsy cysts, or she doesn’t.  These are definitely something but we don’t know what.  She thinks it’s debris that hardened.  I told her I had a lump in 2007 and was told it was debris since the lump was gone by the time my appointment for the sono came up.  She said it’s possible these lumps are debris from the previous lump that has hardened.  She then said the previous debris was likely cells giphy (2).gifWhat does that even mean?  I could only nod like I understood.  Why are there cells turning into debris in my boob?  What kind of cells?  What do you mean?!

     So anyway, your ducts can harden, cells can harden, debris forms…I don’t know.  Apparently shit can just linger about in your tit like annoying friends you can’t drop enough hints to.  We’re being blunt now, jamming these fuckers with something that sounds like a staple gun as it takes enough chunks out of them to study beneath a microscope.  If they bite back, bearing teeth with venom tips, we physically remove the bastards.  If they’re like, “hey man, all is cool, you’ll barely notice we’re even here,” we just leave them be.still-here

     They went over post-care; which was a long list for a reasonably quick procedure.  I don’t remember half the shit they said except no ibuprofen and to wear a sports bra overnight.  It was pretty simple, pretty cut and dry.  They do a mammo right afterward then send you home with an icepack shaped like padding for a bra, and a piece of paper detailing post-care.

     I’m fairly confident it’s debris or whatever they want to call it.  Maybe I’m being too hopeful.  The thing that concerns me most is the sensation of a hot wire being pulled through my nipple.  What is that about?  I really felt like this was a sign it was a cyst or something.  What does it mean now?  If there’s no reason to remove it, will I always experience this hot wire sensation?  I will have to wait for the results before I can ask and receive an answer with more probability than hypothetical.  Luckily, the results should be in by Friday.  I’ll do my best not to freak out before then.

It’s the best I can do from here

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